You have family you love, perhaps sisters and cousins… Then there’s your best friend since the 3rd grade… Then, you really love your soon-to-be sister-in-law… Oh! And what about those sorority sisters?
Choosing a bridesmaid may seem simple but to finally sit down and make the list, you may have pause for thought. “If I don’t ask this person, will they be mad? Will I hurt their feelings?” As much as you don’t want hurt feelings, at some point – you have to draw the line.
Asking someone to be your bridesmaid is putting them in the position of honor, but it also burdens them (and yourself!) with expenses. When you begin to make your list, a couple of key questions to bear in mind:
- Is this a person who has stood beside me through both ups and downs?
- Is this a person I can count on to support me and my husband through our marriage?
- Can this person afford what I’m going to ask from her?
The people you choose to stand with you when you’re getting married are people who represent various facets of your life. They may be your sister who you hated in your teen years but has emerged into a best friend. It may be a friend whom Mother Nature forgot to make your sister. Whoever these special people are — you’re choosing them for a specific reason other than to fill in space around the altar: They are there to support you.
And the bottom line — it’s your wedding! You can ask who you want. Make a list of those people who you can’t imagine your wedding without and then make a list of people who might be honored through a different role (see below for ideas).
If you’re worried about hurt feelings, you can simply explain that you are trying to keep control of your budget (the bigger the wedding party — the bigger your expenses too!) and that you would love their assistance in another capacity.
If you have someone that you hate to not include in your bridal party, consider these alternative ideas:
- Ask them to manage the guestbook – in spite of the bad press this job gets…it is one way to make sure you have more than a few signatures.
- Ask them to distribute programs.
- Ask them to be a reader at the ceremony.
- Ask them to make a toast at the rehearsal dinner.
- Consider having a “house party” in addition to a “bridal party” . Your “house party” friends are escorted down the aisle before the official procession. They carry or wear a small flower, but they don’t have to wear a specific dress. At the reception, they act as greeters as your guests arrive.
Remember – the people who stand with you are the people who are going to support you. You are asking them to support you not only through the day, but throughout your married life.